In spite of what many women may believe, abuse of any kind in a relationship isn’t acceptable. It’s NOT normal and doesn’t mean love. If you’re in a relationship where your partner goes off on tangents because you’ve set the dinner table incorrectly, he’s probably abusive. There are some things that you need to understand about what constitutes abuse and what doesn’t.
For one thing, you should let your feelings guide you in certain instances. If you’re afraid all the time and you walk on eggshells around your partner for fear of setting him off, you’re probably in an abusive relationship. No one should ever have to live that way and certainly not with someone that’s supposed to love them. On the other hand, if your feelings are telling you that you’re a horrible wife or girlfriend and you DESERVE the various punishments that come your way for imagined wrongs, then you DON’T need to listen to yourself. You need to seek some help for those feelings of worthlessness.
Abuse comes in many forms and it’s important to recognize them. Obviously, if your partner is hitting you, it’s abuse. However, sometimes it’s not quite cut and dried. Mental and verbal abuse can be just as serious. The scars may not be physically visible but they’re in places that can affect you throughout your entire life. For example, being told over and over again how worthless you are and how you can’t do anything right may not SEEM like a huge deal until you realize that you’re starting to believe this about yourself.
Other men will do everything they can to convince their partners that if they leave, the worse things they ever feared would happen to them will, indeed, come to pass. Yes, these abusers don’t leave physical marks, but they ARE just as dangerous to the quality of your life as the ones that lash out with their fists or weapons.
Men that abuse the women they proclaim to love are, simply put, monsters. They’re weak, petty, insecure, cowardly little creatures that feel the only way they can keep a woman with them is through a show of force. If they can control every move these women make, then they’ll never be alone because the women are too terrified to leave. Now, isn’t that a wonderful way to conduct a relationship? These men truly believe that they can FORCE women into loving them. Well, fear and love aren’t the same. There are a few ground rules that you should remember in order to keep yourself out of abusive relationships. First, NO ONE has the right to beat you into submission. You should never feel afraid of the one who is supposed love you, and if you are, it’s time to leave and figure out why. An abusive relationship is NOT better than being alone. If you’re alone, you’ve got a better chance of leading a quality life, whereas, with an abuser, you’ll never have that.
Just remember that abuse is NOT love and that it never will be. Abuse is about control, power, and cruelty. It’s also about danger. Be brave and get out if you’re in a relationship like this. There ARE people that will help and protect you while you build a new life.