Article 5 In The Series of Articles on From breaking Up to Making Up

Fix What's Wrong

Relationships rarely break up over “something minor.” Something minor may have triggered the event, but there was probably something much larger at play. The trigger was the tip of the ice burg, which, everyone knows, has a mountain underneath the sea.

So, analyze what really went wrong in the relationship and try to fix it. Work together to make choices that make you happy. If necessary, seek out a counselor to help you work through your issues.

Try to Grow and Change

A break up is actually a growth opportunity. You have had a chance to pause and reflect on what you really want out of the relationship and out of life. Use this experience as a chance to analyze who you are and how you got to this place in your life.

A break up is a warning sign that things out of balance in your life. It calls for some reflection on your part.

When you are mature about what is happening in your life, you can use this as a growth opportunity.

At that point, you will find that your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend will grow as well. You may find that you can move to the next level when you were stuck before.

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If You Don't Make Up

Not every break up will end up wit a reconciliation. So what happens when you don't make up?

Try to Leave on a Positive Note

A break up is painful experience. You are leaving behind someone who filled a special place in your life.

Try not to leave with a bitter taste in your mouth. While you may not be friends at the end, try to at least be friendly.

Don't Try to Be Friends Right Away

If you break up, don't think that being “just friends” is going to work – at least right away. You need to take a break from each other. It is going to be painful to see the other person at first. Give yourself a permission to be apart.

Don't Try to be Friends Right Away

One of the most common break up lines is that he or she wants to be “just friends.” Maybe – down the road – you will find that you can be “just friends” again. But right now, you need your space. Often being “just friends” leads to being “friends with benefits.” This means that you will have difficulty moving on and finding a new love.

It is great to be on good terms with all of the people in your life. And giving yourselves some space doesn't mean that you have to be hostile to each other.

But, don't incorporate your ex into your plans at first. It is necessary for you to rebuild a circle of friends without your ex during this period.

Of course, if you run in the same circles, you will see each other from time to time. Be polite. But don't go out of your way to be chummy.

In time, when you have both moved on and have developed other romantic relationships, you can explore the idea of a close friendship once again.
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7th Article And Conclusion of The Series On "Sparks of Love"

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The Stereotypes Matter

There are many stereotypes pertaining to men and women in relationships. For one thing, there is the stereotype that a man should be 4 inches taller than a woman so he is taller even when she wears heels. This is ridiculous! While men tend to be taller than women by nature, don't throw away an otherwise good relationship because a man is shorter or a woman is taller than you.

Another stereotype is that a man should make more money than his partner. This is another hold over from the days when women could only get low paying jobs. Today, many women make good salaries. If the salary of the other party bothers someone, it causes a power struggle that probably cannot be overcome. If all of the other factors point toward a successful relationship, the fact that the woman makes more than the man shouldn't matter.

Then there's the idea that the man should be older than the woman. In fact, many old men marry young women in an attempt to recreate their youth. It is perfectly “normal” for a man to be 3-5 years older than the woman he marries. In truth, there should be no issue with a woman having the same age “advantage” over a man.

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Finally, there's the issue of which parent is going to stay home and raise the children. For many parents, this is not even a question as both have to work. But for the ones who have the option, having dad stay at home isn't necessarily a bad idea. Getting over the stereotype of “mom stays at home while dad works” can significantly enhance a family's happiness.

Keep in mind that a stereotype is only as powerful as you allow it to be. By overcoming stereotypes, you can date from a much larger group of people and thus have a better chance of marrying a great person.

Conclusion

So there you have it – 16 things that matter and 7 things that don't.

Love is a beautiful thing. But it is also fragile. You need to be able to find common ground with a partner who you adore in order to make things work for the long haul.

The spark of love is more than an attraction across a crowded room. It is a lifetime of shared interests, experiences, and values. It is the work you put into the marriage and the fun you have along the journey.

What makes a couple compatible? It's no one thing. It's a combination of many variables that adds up to a lifetime of joy. And if you are in a relationship that is on the edge read this top notch relationship guide.

6th Article In The Series Of Articles On "Sparks Of Love"

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Love at First Sight

There are some people who say they fell in love at first sight. But then they spent the next 2 years confirming their initial suspicions!

You can't tell in the first five minutes whether you have met your soul mate.

If you only go out with people who you had instant chemistry, you have created a self fulfilling prophesy. You have also excluded a lot of potentially good partners from your life. You are overlooking people who you could emotionally bond to. Remember, people tend to get better looking as you fall in love.

Your first impression of people tends to be distorted. So don't miss out on the best thing that could ever happen to you because you believe only in love at first sight.

Opposites Don't Always Attract

There is a myth that opposites attract. The truth is that you are probably going to be happiest with someone who is quite similar to you. People with similar religious, cultural, socioeconomic, and educational backgrounds tend to be well suited for each other. This doesn't mean that you should only date the country club set if you played tennis as a child, but it does mean that the more you have in common, the more successful the relationship is likely to be.

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Now, you may initially find someone who seems to be quite unlike you very intriguing. Over time as the relationship flourishes, you will probably find that you have more in common than it seemed at first blush.

There are some "differences" that don't matter much. For instance, a poet and a nuclear scientist aren't necessarily doomed. It's the important things that matter.

Furthermore, where differences do exist, the important thing is to be able to communicate and resolve problems. In this way, you find common ground and you find you are not as "opposite" as you thought.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Long distance relationships don't tend to flourish. Think about the high school sweethearts from Iowa who go to different coasts for college. The likelihood is that when they come home for Thanksgiving break, they'll call the whole thing off.

With the rise of internet dating sites, people have cast their dating nets wider. In many cases, this has meant that couples have "hooked up" who live 1000s of miles apart. Unless one person moves to the others city, the relationship probably won't work out over the long haul.

We live in a mobile society and many companies expect their employees to move around on a frequent basis. If one partner has to move and the other one has to stay put, there will be a strain on the relationship.

This is not to say that a long distance relationship can never work. But it does mean that the parties have to work harder for less gain. In that respect, distance does not make the heart grow fonder.

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Article 7 Concludes The Series of Articles on From Making Up to Breaking Up

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Bring Closure to the Relationships

Think about how many ceremonies we have to mark important life events – baptism of a baby, Bar Mitzvah, Graduation, Marriage, and even Funerals.

Breaking up with someone special is a major life event. Yet there are no ceremonies to mark it. So, in order to bring closure to a relationship, you may have to create your own.

Here's one that has worked for many people.

Write a long letter to your ex about how you felt about him or her and the relationship you shared. You can include the good times and the bad. You can talk about your love and your hurt.

But when you're done, don't send the letter. Instead, light a candle and slowly burn the letter. You'll feel that the relationship is truly over when you do this.

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Move On

After a relationship is over, you may feel like sitting around in your room eating Ben and Jerry's and playing sad songs. But, it is important that you get back into the swing of life as a single person.

Go to family events and make a point of going out with friends. Don't dwell on the past. When someone brings up your ex, say “thanks, but I'm moving on now.”

You now have time to pursue activities and interests that your ex didn't care for. So, plan to take a class, join a group, or get involved with something meaningful. Not only will this fill the hours you used to spend with your ex, it will also give you a sense of renewed purpose. Additionally, you will meet new people at a time when you may feel that you are all alone.

Join a gym – and actually use the membership! Working out will make you feel better if you are slightly depressed. You'll also begin to look better which will make you a more attractive candidate to the opposite sex.

Because soon, you will be joining the dating pool again. Don't worry if the first person who asks you out doesn't seem to be a candidate for the love of your life. Just go and enjoy yourself. It will be good practice for when you meet someone really attractive to you.

You will know that you are over your ex when you fall in love again.

Conclusion

A break up may or may not be the end of a relationship. How you handle the break up may determine whether you can get back together or not.

If getting back together is a priority, don't wreck the process by being too eager. Be casual. As you do get back together, focus on fixing what went wrong. Also, step back and ratchet your relationship down a notch. These two things will give you a better chance of getting the relationship back on the right track.

If the relationship is truly over, there is a mourning process which is natural. But the sooner you can move on the better. That's why you should bring closure to the relationship. Sort out what's yours and what is your ex's. Then, re-enter the social scene as a single man or woman.

Relationships can bring much joy to our lives. On the flip side, they can bring pain. I wish you much luck as you sort out breaking up to making up.

Article 6 In The Series of Articles On From Breaking Up To Making Up

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Don't Try to Get Back Together

If it really is over, don't spend your time or energy trying to get back together with your ex. Don't vaccilate. Either you have a good thing that you want to repair – in which case you follow the advice outlined earlier in this report – or you want to call it quits.

Your mood shouldn't shift from day to day. Don't send text messages one day talking about the good times and then not answer your ex's calls the next day.

If you are going to move on, take active steps to begin a new life. Reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Start to date again. Don't center your life around your ex on a day by day basis.

Exchange Personal Property

In any long term relationship, people tend to “collect” things that belong to the other one. A woman might have his college sweatshirt for instance. You may have left things at each other's houses. If you have broken up and are going to stay broken up, it's time for a property exchange.

Make Up or Break Up

First of all, clean out your house of everything of your ex's. There are three categories of items.

The first category is the things you want to give back. Don't hold onto things he or she wants back “for sentimental reasons.” The less you have of his or hers, the less you will need to talk going forward.

The second category is the things that don't warrant giving back. For instance, if he's left a toothbrush at your place, it's almost rude to box it up and give it to him. With these things, throw them away. There is no reason to remind yourself of him every time you open your medicine cabinet.

Finally, there is the category of things he or she wants you to keep. Generally, an ex isn't going to want you to give him or her all of the gifts back that they ever gave you. In fact, they'll want you to keep them to remind you of the special times you had.

But, you don't want these things in your life – right now. Later, once the hurt has healed, you can bring them out and enjoy them again. But for now, box them up and put them in the top of your closet where you are not likely to find them on a daily basis.

Clearing Up Money Issues

It is not uncommon for a couple to have some money issues at the time of the break up. In some cases, this means sorting through joint checking and credit accounts. In other cases it is a matter of one party owing the other money.

If you have some money issues, try to resolve them right away. Sort through your joint accounts. Get new bank accounts and transfer the agreed amounts of money into the separate accounts. If you have joint debt, get new credit cards and transfer the debt onto your separate accounts. Don't keep the old accounts open either. Clearing up money issues is a key step in moving on.

So, what happens when one party owes the other one money and can't pay it off right away? The best thing to do is to seek a loan from another source to pay it off. If you are constantly having to deal with weekly or monthly payments, you will have to be in contact with each other regularly which is something you don't want. Additionally, the lender and debtor relationship can wreck havoc with the power balance in your post-romantic relationship. So, do what you can to get all balances settled.

If it doesn't look like your ex is going to pay off his or her debt, write it off. Consider it a financial lesson learned.

Article 7 and the concluding in this series will be published tomorrow.

Ps. Thanks for reading the articles, if you want to have some more advice from the man that has helped over
51 000 people in 77 countries to get back together or heal their broken heart watch this FREE Videoon the introduction site of The Magic of Making Up!

Article 4 In The Series of Articles on From Breaking Up to Making Up

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Make the Call

One of you has to make contact with the other to close out any business you have together. Take the initiative and make the call. Try to keep it light and friendly.

Use the call to sense where your ex is in his or her feelings about you. For instance, does it seem like they are wanting to get back together? Do they want to be friends? Or, are they just hostile to you? A lot will depend on this phone call, so plan it carefully.

Try to keep the phone call short. Don't re-hash the break up. Don't level any accusations. Perhaps the best thing to do is to say “I missed you and I just wanted to check in. Whatever happens from here, I want you to know that I care about you.” Then, if it seems that things are on an even keel, suggest meeting casually over coffee.

But, don't drag out this call. Don't feel that you have to analyze the entire relationship or discuss the details of the break up scene. The goal of the call is the meeting.

The same rules apply if your ex is the one that initiated the call.

Your Meeting

The meeting doesn't have to be a date. It can be a chance for you to discuss things more calmly than you did when you broke up. Try to find a neutral, non-suggestive place. Don't go to the place where you had your first date. Don't try to recreate a fantasy. Instead, make it a place where you can genuinely talk about your relationship.

In the meeting you can decide how to go forward with your relationship. For instance, you can determine whether you are going to try to reconcile or whether you want to be “just friends” in the future. You may also decide that there is no point in ever having contact again. But this meeting can bring some closure to the relationship if that is the case.

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Not everyone will agree to have a meeting. If the break up was particularly painful, for instance if you cheated on your ex, the meeting may be impossible.

If your ex isn't keen on the meeting, suggest that he or she bring a support person with them. Tell them that there are some things that the two of you need to sort out before you can move on.

If You Reconcile

One positive outcome of the meeting may be that you decide to get back together again. But, if you do decide to reconcile, there are some things you should consider.

Don't Take Up Where You Left Off

One reason many people break up is because the relationship had gotten ahead of the parties. So, take a step back. Don't feel like you have to start right back where you left off.

For instance, suggest that you go out on formal dates again rather than just “hanging out” all the time. Consider taking a step back sexually as well so you have a chance to re-acquaint yourselves emotionally.

Make a point of making a production of the relationship. Think of romantic date ideas. Do things for your partner that will make him or her happy. Don't wear old sloppy “comfortable” clothes around them; make a point of always looking your best.

It will be amazing how making an effort recharges your relationship.

Article 5 will be published tomorrow. But dont wait read this now!

Article 3 In The Series of Articles on From Breaking Up to Making Up

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Don't Try to Hurt Them

You may have the urge to hurt your ex. There are so many ways to do this. Resist the urge.

For instance, some people think that hanging around their ex and flirting with their friends is a good way to get them back. This rarely works, and when it does, it indicates that the relationship is shallow.

Other times, the partner badmouths the ex to anyone who will listen. This reflects far worse on you than it does on your ex.

Then there are the “pranks” that can land you in hot water with the authorities. Don't go slash his tires, place crank calls to her phone, or do other harmful things out of a sense of vengeance. This is childish, immature, and sometimes criminal.

Don't Beg

Another bad thing people do when they have broken up is to beg their ex to take them back. Remember an earlier rule – don't communicate. But this one is even more important. Even if you do communicate, don't beg. Later in this report we'll talk about how to get your ex back, but if you start to beg at this point, you will put yourself in a weak position later.

Remember, in every good relationship, there is a balance of power. When you beg, you lose your personal power which harms the relationship in the long run.

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Turn to Friends and Family

Your friends and family won't let you go on ad nauseum about the break up but they should be sympathetic during the first week or so after things go sour. Ask them for their help.

You should also ask them to let you talk about your feelings without giving you advice. Too often people want to “help” their friends and their help is really unhelpful.

Also ask them to spend time with you doing fun things. You are going to feel like moping around the house. If your friends drag you out, you'll end up cheering up much more quickly.

After the First Week

Okay, you have given the relationship the break you need to get your head on straight. What's next? You have to decide whether you want to get back together again or if you want to split up. But, this might not be clear right away. So, which ever path you want to take, there are some strategies to take after about 7 days.
So tune in tomorrow for next chapter from Breaking Up to Making Up.