Article 5 In the Series of Articles On Compatability During a Romantic Relationship

Communication

Sarah was a talker and Paul was a doer.  Where Sarah started any number of conversations with “I want to talk to you about…” Paul would rather express his feelings for Sarah by taking her out to dinner or buying her a bouquet of flowers. 

One of the big problems in their relationship was that Sarah said “you’re not listening to me” while Pau said “you don’t appreciate the things I do for you.”

This is a classic case of having different communication compatibilities.  Because they express their love differently, Sarah and Paul are in trouble.

This doesn’t mean that their relationship is doomed though.  They have to be open to the idea that they communicate differently.

Sarah may need to get her verbal communication needs met with her female friends rather than her boyfriend.  Paul needs to listen more when Sarah talks.  Sarah needs to appreciate that the way Paul communicates is to take her to dinner or fix her toilet. 

Women tend to be more loquacious than men in general.  It is common for communications compatibility to be an issue in relationships.  Fortunately, this is an issue where “let’s talk” can really solve the problem.

Sex

Sex is an issue in many relationships.  Some people are more adventurous than others.  Others want sex frequently while their partners are satisfied with making love less. 

You should know that mastery of technique is one of the least important facets in a satisfying sex life.  If you are able to communicate your desires to your partner, you can learn and grow together.

But, if you have fundamental differences in your approach to sex, there may be problems.

Jodi and Tom got together and at first, their passion was white hot.  Or so Tom thought.  But, after a few months, it became clear that Jodi was indulging Tom when she didn’t really want to make love every night.

Tom was confused because he felt that Jodi had led him on to secure the relationship and was now changing the terms.  Jodi felt that she was settling down into a more “normal” sex life.

Through relationship counseling, Tom and Jodi were able to discuss their needs and desires. 

Life Habits

So many things get ignored at the beginning of a relationship.  A woman might not care that her new boyfriend doesn’t ever wash his car because she’s swept off her feet by him.  A man might not be concerned that his new girlfriend seems to spend more time at the beauty salon than she does in her own living room.

But soon these life habits become apparent and can cause friction in a relationship.

Jim believed that “early to bed and early to rise made a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”  On Saturday mornings, he was out of bed at 6:30 for a run in the park.  When he got back around 8:00 a.m., he wanted to have a big breakfast and start the day.

Julia, was not ready to face the weekend so early in the morning.  Saturday was the one day she could catch up on her sleep and she valued her time in bed.

Eventually, Jim joined a men’s Bible study on Saturdays so he felt that the morning wasn’t wasted and Julia agreed to be up by 10:00 when he got back so they could spend the rest of the day together.

But compromising on these life habits issues isn’t always so simple.  Sometimes, they’re deal breakers.  There’s only so much you can bend before you break.

Article 6 will conclude this series of articles on "compatibility in a romantic relationship".

Article 4 In This Series of Articles on Compatability Issues In a Romantic Relationship

Best Ways To Get Her Back Quiz

Work

Pamela had worked hard to break through every glass ceiling in her career.  She had been the only female Ph.D. candidate in physics in her class.  She had initially found it difficult to land a tenure track position because many faculty members believed that scientific research was incompatible with the “mommy track.”

Eventually, she proved her ilk as a science professor and became head of the department at a major research university.  From there, she had become dean of the School of Natural Science.

A promotion to Vice President of Academic Affairs at a university across the country followed.  That’s where she met Tim.

Tim was a psychologist.  He had given a presentation at the university on stress management that Pamela attended.  Intrigued by his ideas, she invited him to lunch.

She found that he had very different perspectives about work than she did.  For instance, he put in eight or nine hours a day but didn’t work weekends ever.  While he was proud of what he had accomplished in his career, it didn’t define him.

He recognized how hard she had worked to get to where she had gotten but worried about the toll it had taken on her.  At 44, she had never been married and had had few meaningful relationships.

Tim set out to woo Pamela.  He found that many carefully planned dates were cancelled at the last minute because of pressing and unexpected work schedules.

Eventually, Tim and Pamela had to define how their relationship was going to work vis a vis their careers.  Tim told Pamela that he needed her to make at least as much of a commitment to their relationship as to her job.  Pamela told Tim that she needed him to understand how important her job was to her.

Because Tim and Pamela really wanted their relationship to work, they were willing to put real effort into it despite their basic work compatibility differences.  But this is an example of a couple who through love and communication were able to succeed despite different compatibility levels.

Romance that last

Independence

Tracie liked to read, sew, and do crossword puzzles.  She had a small circle of friends, most of whom she had met through church.  Aside from her job (one where she didn’t interact with people much), she saw groups of friends at church and maybe one other time a week.

Ted was new in town and joined Tracie’s church right away.  He was immediately seen as a “catch” by all of the single women.  But, he saw something in Tracie and didn’t have eyes for anyone else.

The problem was that Ted was always doing something.  He joined a softball league, started volunteering at a soup kitchen, and joined the choir.  He was always pressuring Tracie to go to his games, volunteer with him at the soup kitchen, and to join to choir too.

What Ted didn’t see at first was that Tracie enjoyed her quiet ways.  She needed space.  While Ted was energized by social contact with others, this kind of activity drained Tracie.

Eventually, they decided that Ted would continue to have an active social calendar and that Tracie could participate or not depending on her feelings. 

This actually left both parties feeling that they had control of their independence.  Ted was able to be independent because he could do the activities he liked and Tracie had independence because she could choose not to do them.

Another example of the importance of independence is Robyn and Chad.  Chad was the highly independent type.  He liked to be “free as a bird” and didn’t like to “report” his whereabouts to Robyn.

Robyn was quite insecure.  She liked to know where he was and when he would be in for the evening.  Her previous marriage had dissolved when she discovered that her ex husband had had a long term affair which made her insecure about any future relationships.

Chad and Robyn had to go into counseling to deal with this independence issue.  Chad had to acknowledge Robyn’s insecurities and Robyn had to acknowledge that Chad wasn’t her ex husband.

Article 5 in this series of articles on compatibility issues during a romantic relationship will pick up with discussing "communication and other issues."

Article 3 In This Series of Articles on Compatability Issues During A Romantic Relationship

Best Ways To Get Her Back Quiz

Sociability

How much independence do you need and desire in a relationship?  If you are in your 30s and never been married, you probably have developed a strong social network outside of a romantic relationship and will be reluctant to give that up just because you’ve fallen in love.

Jake was a computer programmer and spent long hours in front of his terminal.  He was naturally a shy, quiet type and didn’t require a lot of social interaction to make him happy.  When he did get away from his computer, he liked to go hiking alone or work out at the gym.  Basically, he was an independent type.

Then he met Terri who was far more social than he was.  She was a computer sales representative and her job involved making social connections in order to make sales.  She thrived on contact with people.

Terri and Jake met when she came to his office to sell a complicated hardware system.  The purchasing manager had called Jake in to get his opinion about the system.  Jake said he needed more information just so he could go out with drinks with Terri.

After the initial bloom of the relationship, Jake started retreating back into his solitary world.  He still wanted to spend time with Terri, but he had no desire to meet her friends or enter into her social world.  Terri was hurt by this because she was so interdependent on her social network and felt this was a rejection of her.

Terri and Jake finally went into couple’s counseling.  The therapist was able to help them see that they had different needs for independence.  Jake had to compromise by being more social occasionally while Terri had to respect his need for solitude a greater amount of time.

Top Notch Love Advice

Spirituality

Many parents express to their children that they would be disappointed if the child married someone outside of their religious faith.  Most of the time when we think of spirituality in terms of romantic compatibility we talk about specific religions.  But, there is more to spirituality than that.

It is true that if you hold true to a specific faith, it may be hard to become close to someone who doesn’t hold those tenants.  If you believe that anyone who doesn’t accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior is doomed to Hell, then dating a Buddhist or a Muslim presents significant obstacles.

Maria was a devout Catholic and always assumed she would marry a Catholic man.  She met Jim who was a lapsed Lutheran and fell in love with him.  As they started talking about their wedding, they began to see obstacles that could plague them for the rest of their lives. 

For instance, Maria wanted to be married by a priest in a Catholic church.  That made Jim uncomfortable because he had no familiarity with the Catholic church.  When the priest told Jim he wouldn’t be permitted to take Communion at his own wedding, he balked.

That lead Jim and Maria to talk about other issues that they would face as a married couple.  For instance, Jim wanted to raise his kids to be exposed to a variety of faith traditions and think critically about religion in general.  Maria wanted to raise good Catholics.

As Jim and Maria began to discuss these issues, they realized that their initial attraction for each other was being dragged down by the issue of spiritual compatibility.  Maria began to see a priest for counseling and ultimately realized that she would be happier with a man who shared her faith and Catholic values.

Article 4 in this series will continue with "work compatibility issues" during a romantic relationship.

Article 2 In The Series of Articles On Compatibility In A Relationship

Best Ways To Get Her Back Quiz

Intellect

People have different desires for the intellect of their partners.  Some people want to be in a relationship with someone who is their intellectual peer while others want to feel smarter than their partner.  Still others like to look up to someone who is smarter than they are.

Jaclyn had her master’s degree in Special Education and was a master teacher at a local high school.  She taught future teachers at the university part time as well. 

Robert was an electrician who had a 12th grade education and an apprenticeship following high school.  While he had business and street smarts, he wasn’t particularly intellectual. 

Whenever the disparity in education came up, Robert liked to point out to Jaclyn that despite her additional years at the university, he still made twice what she did. 

If Robert and Jaclyn are going to succeed long term, they have to come to grips with the fact that they have different kinds of intellect and that they can value the ways in which the other is smart.

Love Advice

Emotions

Do you put strong value on your emotions?  If you do, this may be an area of compatibility to consider.

Jon made decisions based on “gut feelings.”  He once quit a job because he knew “instinctively” that he and the new manager would not get along.  He liked spontaneous activities.  Jon’s idea of an ideal vacation would be to set out on a road trip with no destination in mind.

Then he met Donna, who was so methodical that she worked blow drying her hair into the calendar on the iPhone she carried everywhere.  When faced with a big decision, she would agonize over it for days or even weeks making lists of the “pros” and the “cons.”

Jon and Donna had a long way to go in blending their emotional personalities in their relationship.  Jon was an emoter while Donna was tighter with her feelings.  Jon could say “I love you” a lot sooner in the relationship than could Donna.

While it seems on the surface that Jon has more emotional needs, Donna may have the more significant issues.  Her emotional needs are screened behind defenses that make her less vulnerable.

Donna was able to be freer in her feelings through Jon’s love and encouragement, but she needed him to meet her part of the way. 

Finances

Debbie was the classic “paycheck to paycheck” spender.  She would see a purse that she “had” to have and think nothing about pulling out a credit card and buying it, even if she didn’t know where the money was going to come from.  She loved nights out with the girls and traveled frequently.  Sometimes when things got too tight, she’d hit up her parents for a loan that somehow never got paid back.

Rick had an impoverished background and had put himself through college by working two jobs.  He was proud of the fact that he had not taken out student loans for his education.  At age 36, his only loan was a mortgage on a home where the monthly payment was under market rates for a similar rental.

Nevertheless, Debbie and Rick met at a speed dating event.  He was drawn to her openness and she liked the fact that he seemed so well put together.

At first, Debbie liked everything about him except that he didn’t seem to want to spend money on her.  It made Rick nervous that Debbie seemed to spend money on everything.

Finally, they had a talk about finances.  Debbie freely admitted that when one credit card was maxed out, the sensible thing to do was to apply for another.  She was stunned to find out that Rick thought a car should be bought with cash, even if it meant waiting six years for a new one.

After “the talk” Rick and Debbie started growing apart.  They started noticing other things that they didn’t like in their relationship.  The fact was that their spending habits were too different to make a strong relationship work.

Tomorrow's article will pick up on the "sociability issues" in this series of articles on comparability in a romantic relationship but dont wait look at this Free Video about relationship.

Article 6 In The Series of Articles On From Breaking Up To Making Up

Best Ways To Get Her Back Quizzes


Don't Try to Get Back Together

If it really is over, don't spend your time or energy trying to get back together with your ex. Don't vaccilate. Either you have a good thing that you want to repair – in which case you follow the advice outlined earlier in this report – or you want to call it quits.

Your mood shouldn't shift from day to day. Don't send text messages one day talking about the good times and then not answer your ex's calls the next day.

If you are going to move on, take active steps to begin a new life. Reconnect with old friends and make new ones. Start to date again. Don't center your life around your ex on a day by day basis.

Exchange Personal Property

In any long term relationship, people tend to “collect” things that belong to the other one. A woman might have his college sweatshirt for instance. You may have left things at each other's houses. If you have broken up and are going to stay broken up, it's time for a property exchange.

Make Up or Break Up

First of all, clean out your house of everything of your ex's. There are three categories of items.

The first category is the things you want to give back. Don't hold onto things he or she wants back “for sentimental reasons.” The less you have of his or hers, the less you will need to talk going forward.

The second category is the things that don't warrant giving back. For instance, if he's left a toothbrush at your place, it's almost rude to box it up and give it to him. With these things, throw them away. There is no reason to remind yourself of him every time you open your medicine cabinet.

Finally, there is the category of things he or she wants you to keep. Generally, an ex isn't going to want you to give him or her all of the gifts back that they ever gave you. In fact, they'll want you to keep them to remind you of the special times you had.

But, you don't want these things in your life – right now. Later, once the hurt has healed, you can bring them out and enjoy them again. But for now, box them up and put them in the top of your closet where you are not likely to find them on a daily basis.

Clearing Up Money Issues

It is not uncommon for a couple to have some money issues at the time of the break up. In some cases, this means sorting through joint checking and credit accounts. In other cases it is a matter of one party owing the other money.

If you have some money issues, try to resolve them right away. Sort through your joint accounts. Get new bank accounts and transfer the agreed amounts of money into the separate accounts. If you have joint debt, get new credit cards and transfer the debt onto your separate accounts. Don't keep the old accounts open either. Clearing up money issues is a key step in moving on.

So, what happens when one party owes the other one money and can't pay it off right away? The best thing to do is to seek a loan from another source to pay it off. If you are constantly having to deal with weekly or monthly payments, you will have to be in contact with each other regularly which is something you don't want. Additionally, the lender and debtor relationship can wreck havoc with the power balance in your post-romantic relationship. So, do what you can to get all balances settled.

If it doesn't look like your ex is going to pay off his or her debt, write it off. Consider it a financial lesson learned.

Article 7 and the concluding in this series will be published tomorrow.

Ps. Thanks for reading the articles, if you want to have some more advice from the man that has helped over
51 000 people in 77 countries to get back together or heal their broken heart watch this FREE Videoon the introduction site of The Magic of Making Up!

Best Ways To Get Her Back:Finding Someone Special To Share Your Life With

Introduction

There was a time when everyone lived in a small villages and you were likely to know your future mate from birth. That limited people's choices, but it also made dating and getting married easy. In the 21st Century, you can scour the entire world to find your soul mate.

But the wide amount of choice isn't necessarily a good thing. Sometimes the overwhelming choice limits you from making any choice.

So, the trick is to determine the best ways to find the one person who is right for you in the sea of potential mates.

What Kind of Relationship Are You Looking For?

There are many ways to meet other singles. Your method will best be determined based on your relationship goal and how soon you want to reach it.

For instance, are you looking for some short term fun with no strings attached or are you ready for a long term commitment?

Best Ways To Get Her Back

Consider these three scenarios:

Jerome is an 18 year old who has just graduated from high school. He's working at a pizza shop to make some money before he goes away to college in the fall. There's no pressure on him to form a long term relationship – in fact, having a girlfriend back home could stunt his social prospects in college. So, right now he can go out on fun dates in a casual manner.

Cynthia is 42 and recently divorced. She started dating her ex in high school and has very few “dating” skills. While she craves being in a relationship again, she really needs time as a single person again so she can date around and figure out just what kind of person matches her needs at this point in her life.

Lydda is a 28 year old third grade teacher.. She's had her fun and now is emotionally and financially ready to settle down and have a family. She is going to need a targeted method to find a spouse who can help her raise the children she hopes to have.

We're going to talk about three “efficiency levels” of dating which describe the type of person who use each method, the method itself, and who shouldn't use the method.

Method 1 is Casual Dating.

Casual Dating is for people who are not ready to marry soon. They may just be looking for friends or having casual fun. Young people, college students, people who have recently relocated, and those who are recently divorced or widowed fall into this category.

The best places to meet people in the Casual Dating sectors include community and church activities, events, classes, clubs, gyms, volunteering, and anywhere you hang out.

Casual Dating is not for people who are psychologically mature enough to marry and want a long term relationship or marriage in the next few years.

Article 2 in this series will focus on how Casual Dating can work. Meanwhile i highly recommend this top
notch resource regarding relationship quizzes! The Magic Of Making Up.

3 Tips for getting your Ex Back Fast and 2 Things To Avoid

Break ups can be very difficult to deal with and many are quite stressful and traumatic. Although the relationship has been struggling perhaps you weren’t really ready for breaking up and are now asking yourself the question ‘how do I get my ex back?’ Even if your breakup is a very traumatic one there is usually still some hope of reconciliation. If you know the right steps to take and how to act toward your ex then you just might be able to repair your relationship. Here are some tips and tricks that can help you win your ex back and also some things that you might want to avoid.

Tips
Tip #1 – be yourself. Acting like someone else just to try and win your ex back will not help matters in the long term. Even if acting differently helps them to like you in the short term, it is hard to keep up the facade long term and sooner or later you will fall back into acting like yourself, so if you really want to be successful at getting your ex back then start acting like yourself.
Tip #2 – never use the method of trying to make him jealous to get him back. Flirting with his friends in front of him will only hurt his feelings and could actually make the situation worse. Some people use flirting to make their ex jealous while others use it to get revenge, either way it could backfire and you could lose him forever.
Tip #3 – be honest with your ex and don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel. Don’t go overboard and act like life is not worth living without him, you don’t want to appear desperate. Talk to him and let him know that you still love him and that you still want this relationship to work. You never know, there is a chance that he might be feeling the same way and also want to give it another go.
Things to Avoid
Things to Avoid #1 – if you both agree to give the relationship another go then you want to make things clear right from the start that you are serious about the relationship. Avoid getting into a habit of ‘on and off dating’ as this can be heart breaking and is no good for anyone. Have a really good think about how you feel and if making this relationship work is really what you want and talk to him so you can find out if he really wants it to work too.
Things to Avoid #2 – don’t forget about the issues that led to your relationship breaking up in the first place. If you want to save this relationship and turn it around into a happy relationship then you need to work on any issues that you had. If you ignore the reasons for your breakup then you can’t move past them, it is important that you face any problems you had to move on and have a healthy relationship.
It is possible to win your ex back but you need to be sensible in your approach. Use these tips and things to avoid and build a stronger, healthier relationship that will be made to last.

4 Stages of Emotions Following a Break Up

Love is such an amazing emotion that makes life meaningful and happy. When you are in a loving relationship you are on top of the world and going through the happiest time of your life. But what if that relationship turns sour? Unfortunately, even the best of relationships will have some issues and if they aren't resolved they can lead to the end of the relationship. A person can go from being on top of the world to being on the bottom of the earth when their relationship reaches break up point.
When your relationship breaks up your heart is broken and the pain you feel is incredibly sharp and real. Everyone reacts differently to relationship break ups and some will cope better than others. Here are the general stages that one will experience when going through a relationship break up.
Stage One: When your relationship comes to an end you will feel shock. If you knew there was trouble and a break up was heading your way then the shock might not be as great, but there will still be some degree of shock. If you were still happy in the relationship but your partner ended it out of the blue, then the shock you will feel will be very strong.

Stage Two: The second stage of a break up is when you refuse to believe that the relationship is over. Perhaps you have been in denial that there have been any problems occurring within your relationship and don't want to accept that the relationship is now over. You might try to convince yourself that it is just a temporary setback that you will be able to resolve. Unfortunately, if your partner has broken off the relationship then it might be too late to resolve any problems that have been building up over time.
Stage Three: Next you might begin to experience some depression. Feeling depressed is a completely normal reaction following a relationship break up. No-one enjoys ending a relationship and even if you are the partner that chose to end the relationship you will still experience sadness at the end of this major stage of your life. It is best to try and move on and keep yourself busy so you don't spend all your time thinking about it.
Stage Four: The last stage of emotions following a break up is acceptance. Although it can take time to reach this stage, once you accept that the relationship is over then you can move on with your life. Be happy that you were able to experience a loving relationship for a short time and put the relationship and the break up down to experience. This whole experience will make you stronger and help you grow into the person you are today. Once you have accepted that the relationship is over then you can move on and be open to meeting someone new.

Ending a Relationship is Never Easy

Ending a relationship can be really difficult and you don't want it to be any more upsetting than necessary. If you are considering ending a relationship you might be contemplating the best way to do it, but is there really a right way?
Ideally it would be good to end a relationship on good terms and without too much drama and pain. Unfortunately the ideal ending to a relationship doesn't happen very often, but instead relationships often end in a bad way leaving behind feelings of anger and sadness. When the break up is drawn out and messy it can leave both parties furious at each other and very bitter.
If you know in your heart that your relationship is over and are just trying to find the right way to end it, then keep in mind that this person is one that you have loved and has shared a big part of your life. Find the right time to talk to your partner openly and honestly and let them know exactly how you feel. Let her know your true feelings but don't go blaming her for anything, as soon as you start the blame game that is when it can turn nasty.

If the breakup comes as a shock to your ex then she will have a thousand questions running through her mind, so the more that you can explain to her the better. By explaining your feelings and your decision to your partner then it will also help you to know in your own mind that you are making the right decision. If you have been in the relationship for a long time then you really do want to take the time to break it to her gently and not just walk out leaving her wondering what happened.
You never know if you sit down and talk about how you are feeling you might even come up with another solution rather than just ending the relationship completely. Perhaps you can spend some time apart to think things through and evaluate your situation before making a final decision one way or the other.
Or course this advice above is based on a relationship that has been reasonably happy. For example, things will be a bit different if you are ending a relationship because your partner is abusive. If you make the decision to end a relationship that is abusive then it is usually best that you leave the relationship as soon as you can. Some relationships can be so abusive that a person is too scared to leave for fear that their partner will find them, so you will need to plan your departure carefully and you may need to seek help.
Even if you are the person ending the relationship, you can still feel sadness and loneliness when it is over. Just remember, that when one door closes another door opens and although the end of a relationship is a sad time, you are now beginning the rest of your life, so enjoy every minute of it.
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