Article 2 In a Series of Articles on Mending My Broken Heart

Another way people try to get even after a break up is to enter into a rebound relationship.  Some people try to replace their ex right away as a way of getting over the ex.  These relationships almost always fail and a person is hurt a second time.

A more productive thing to do with your time is to finalize the end of the relationship.   For instance, exchange all of the “things” that you have of the other’s.  If there are “things” that you don’t necessarily need to exchange (ie. his toothbrush), then throw them away.  Get rid of any of the things that remind him of you.

And, as you reach the end of the “getting even” phase, you can begin to see the whole event as a learning experience.  Maybe you have learned that there is a specific type of person that you want to avoid in the future.  Maybe you have learned some things about yourself that will make you a better partner in the future. 

Eventually, you will reach the final stage which is not giving a damn.  You will start to wonder what you saw in your ex in the first place.  Perhaps you will always have a special place in your heart for your ex, but seeing him with another woman won’t be the end of the world.  At this stage, it is possible to move back into a friendship relationship with your ex.

You will also be ready to move into a new relationship yourself.  If you still have strong feelings (even negative ones) towards your ex, it’s a rebound relationship.  But, if you don’t give a damn about him, you can develop strong positive feelings toward a new man.

What is Grief

The reason you feel so terribly after a break up is that you are going through a normal human emotional reaction known as grief.  What is grief?  Grief is the specific process of letting go of an attachment to a person.

When we think of grief, we usually associate it with the death of a loved one.  But, sometimes, the grief is actually stronger with a break up.  One woman’s first husband died suddenly.  Some time later, she remarried and that relationship ended in divorce.

The woman related that the divorce was more emotionally devastating than the death of her husband.  That’s because there was a normal mechanism for dealing with grief when someone dies, but when you break up with a person you loved, people tend to tell you to “get over it.”  There’s no support for breaking up grief.

Whether the grief is over someone who died or over someone you lost through break up, it goes through four stages.

The first stage of grief is denial.  You may be saying to yourself “I can’t believe that he left me” or “I can’t believe that she likes him better.”  These are normal reactions.

Next, you will move on to an acceptance of the situation that is infused with anger.  You believe that the person has really broken your heart and you are angry with them for doing that.

In time, you will be able to acknowledge your sadness without the strong emotional response of anger.  During this time, you need to take care of yourself and your needs.

Article 3 in this series of articles will be continued tomorrow. Meanwhile take a look at this below:


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Dating Again!

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