Successful Self Help Marriage Tips.

Successful Self Help Marriage Tips.
by Sabrina Summerfield

Problem identification- Problem identification is the first step to successfully solving marital problems. Once problems are identified self help marriage guidelines are easy to find on "Save My Marriage Today" at www.savemymarriagetoday.com, corresponding with the problems you are encountering. Couples should try to be as objective about marital troubles as they possibly can, no matter how impossible it feels or appears, if the problems are left unattended they will just breed and increase in size and severity.

When to call in a counsellor- A counsellor should be called in sooner rather than later especially when couples deny the existence of problems or take part in any shape of form of blame shifting. Counselling is top priority in households suffering from conflict resolution problems.

Objectivity- When deciding on a marriage counsellor it is imperative to realize that you need not use only Psychologists or Ministers in other words qualified professionals. As long as the person is good listener, honest, trustworthy and objective in their feelings towards the couple as well as in his or her overall opinion, they will be suitable to handle the matter successfully. Old married couples are excellent counsellors. They have the knowledge and experience to give you advice and guide you on a range of situations and problems they have had personal experience of during their martial life.

Successful Self Help Marriage Tips.

Pro's and Con's- We are not all, just bad. No matter how bad or unhappy the spot you've hit in your marriage there are always more advantages and positive things to your partner or the marriage self that con's or negatives. Draw up a list and you will see the positives are a whole lot more than the negatives.

Open you heart and mouth- Open you heart and mouth and tell your partner how you feel. A lack of proper communication is often to blame for problems in a marriage. Bottled-up sadness or hurt cannot be turned into happiness and healing without communication. Share your feels, emotions, fears and expectations with your husband or wife. Misunderstandings can also be avoided by just practicing honest and open communication techniques.

Quality time for yourself and your partner- Spending time apart as well as together is important for you and your partner to miss each other enough to appreciate one another again while on the other hand it will give you time to reflect on your own heart and soul. Unfortunately, during these hectic times we as couples tend to spend more time apart than together. This has the potential to lead to spouses drifting apart more and more until they totally loose touch with their partners needs and feelings. It is essential that spouses make time for one another even if it means via appointments. Enjoy the times spent together thoroughly and try to steer clear from fighting and arguing. Such unpleasantness is all it takes to spoiling the romantic mood. Find more great tips and guides on how to save your marriage at "Save My Marriage Today."

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Will Valentine’s Day Ruin Your Marriage?

I want to wish you a happy and loving Valentines Day with todays article. Make this day a day to remember for yourself and your loved ones. A day to honour the love inside us by showing eachother how much we care.

With Love

Ah, February! Our minds start turning to thoughts of Valentine’s Day.In the middle of winter, romance is suddenly in vogue. The stores are filled with cards, candy, jewelry, and any number of other products touting the opportunity to show your love how you feel.

Are we being set up? Have we bought into the idea of romance so much that we are literally destroying our relationships with expectations? I think we are. In fact, I think we have made a false idol of romance at the expense of true love. We have confused infatuation and erotic love with deep, abiding love that leads to successful marriages.

Let me be clear. I have nothing against romance and romantic gestures. But we have made this the lead, not the result of love. We want to be awash in loving feelings and attraction for our partner. Then we expect those feelings to be the cement, the glue that keeps us together. Hogwash!

I just checked my email. In the last month, I have received 104 pleas for help from people hearing this statement from their spouse, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” The translation is this: “I have a feeling of care for you, but I don’t feel erotic emotions toward you.” The problem is that this statement is a lie on the front end (“I love you”) and a misunderstanding on the back end (“but I’m not in love with you”).

The lie, I’ll get to in a moment. The misunderstanding is this: being “in love” with someone is based on the nurturing of a relationship. It is not some emotion that is at the whims of Cupid shooting an arrow. Too often I hear, “I can’t help how I feel.” True, but people can choose how they act. And that is really the crux of the matter.

Love has been confused in our culture. The ancient Greeks were much more clear. They used three words to talk about love: Eros, Phileo, and Agape. Eros was about attraction (erotic love). Phileo was about friendship. And Agape was about commitment. Our society has segregated these three areas. Interestingly, we all want commitment and acceptance from our lover/spouse (Agape love), but too often want to feel attraction (Eros love) toward our spouse.

In other words, we want that attractive, successful, romantic, loving person to accept us, mistakes, shortcomings, failures, and all. We want what we have a hard time offering.

So what is the lie? Love is a commitment. It is an action verb, based on being loving and doing loving actions toward the other person. It is based on making a choice to love the other. Not for a moment, but for a lifetime.

Brain scans show that people who are “in love” (caught up in the infatuation) have very similar patterns to those who are mentally ill. So being “madly in love” is not just a figure of speech. It is a physical reality.

The problem is that this is unsustainable. The love of infatuation has to temper into a choice to being loving toward another person. I love someone because I choose to act lovingly, not because of the constance of a feeling. That moves the whole possibility from being at the whims of Cupid to having a conscious choice over how I participate in a relationship.

Let me be clear here: I am not opposed to visits of Eros. In fact, I think this is a feeling that is important and necessary in a long-term marriage. But I believe the emotion emerges from acting in loving ways. In other words, when I make romance primary, I am lost when it is gone. When I make love a verb, and action I can choose, the romantic feelings will naturally emerge.

Valentine’s Day is a threat to your relationship when you make the romantic feelings the goal. To paraphrase a commercial: card, $3.50; candy, $20.00; flowers, $50.00. Acting lovingly toward your spouse: Priceless (and free!). When Valentine’s Day rolls around, make it an opportunity to show your love, not a day to judge your erotic feelings.

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